Sunday, 20 March 2011

Why Oil Spills Are Good For Us

By Grant Gerver
Why are oil spills good for us? Jobs, silly. It takes a lot of people to clean off birds and a whole lotta other tainted stuff. Plus, there are already way too many birds and sea life in general. A few less birds and plankton never hurt anybody. And all that other underwater life: Who cares about something that doesn't impact you directly? And, like we don't already have beaucoup fish and plants down there where we really can't see 'em anyway. Out of sight, out of mind. Nothing wrong with that.
Some call it an environmental disaster, but I prefer to call it a gigantic environmental opportunity. We get to see if the aquatic ecosystem ever comes back to life, not worrying all that much if it doesn't because of the amazing research possibilities that will come from it, resulting in yes, even more jobs. I won't go so far as to say oceanographic calamity is a good thing, but it's not that far off.
Also, if you view this titanic oil spill from a glass half-full perspective, we may find that this watershed event will force birds, and all the other aquatic life it has brought to the edge of extinction, to become more hearty. Evolution just may make all these species oil-resistant to future spills. No one talks about this possibility. While you can't say that noxious and gooey Armageddon is a good thing, it still may result in big benefits.
And, the oil companies who bear the responsibility have accepted their share of it to such an extent that I believe they are entitled to a nice government bailout for all the lost revenue that this epic spill has caused them. BP and their Big Oil family never get cut any slack. They didn't plan for this to happen. To prove their innocence, they weren't even prepared for such a disastrous environmental and economic calamity. It wasn't even on their radar. So, you can't blame them. Rather, I'd like to think we should blame the ocean for causing such difficult conditions for extracting that bubblin' crude in the first place. Without it, you can kiss your cars goodbye while we become doomed to riding bicycles, or worse, mass transit. Ouch, may aching seat!
You know the oil companies will take full advantage of their mega disaster with TV advertising, too. They'll stage teary-eyed oil execs cleaning off a couple a' slimy tarred-&-feathered birds and blackened seals which will ultimately tug at the heartstrings of the American public. If BP and Big Oil know what they're doing, and how could they not, they will reap huge rewards from their titanic poisoning of the ocean's waters by apologizing often and sincerely, while re-framing it all as an act of God that not even the most pious of religious figures would dare question. They are so very cagey, it's a thing of wondrous beauty to behold. When life gives you lemons...
While I don't believe in Global Warming any more than I believe in President Obama's US Citizenship, this Gulf Coast Gusher could end up having many more positives than negatives, if spun cleverly enough. It's a win-win media event all the way even though some skeptics might call it a lose-lose.
Thanks for the spill of a lifetime, everybody! Count your blessings, get a bus pass, and tune up the Schwinn.
About the Author:
Grant "Brad" Gerver is an entrepreneur and co-owner of Quite simply one of the most generous businesses online. "Gerv" is also a performing blues artist-songwriter [] with The Buzzard Brothers and on YouTube. He is a retired elementary school teacher who currently works in the mental health care field.

Spill report rekindles Democratic push for reform - Yahoo! News
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